"Hey Mr. Noah, how was your night?"  asked Noah Roedel's extremely attractive and intelligent Father asked him as they drove back to their cabin as the setting sun splashed it's final rays through the gaps in the passing trees. 

Noah, who was soaked from head to toe and covered in dirt,mud, and other various natural gunk flashed a look at his two younger brothers who were similarly blanketed in filth and water and smiled a smile bigger than Texas.  "My night?  My night was the best night ever!!!!"  His voice was flooded with conviction to what he was saying.  His incredibly macho Father (who looked amazing in his bright orange swordfish shirt) knew that he was listening to his son's sacred testimony.  Not only did Noah believe that was he was shouting to be true, his body shone with a joy that would make an archangel a little jealous.

For the rest of the drive home Noah's brilliant and humble father did not say a word.  He didn't have to.  He just listened to the giggling of his three half-exhausted, half-blissdrunk children as they recounted their adventures from the past few hours.   Noah's Father closed his smoldering eyes and rested his head against the leather back of the passenger chair of the car he was sitting and made a note of how happy he was.

He was happy because he was reminded how amazing the simple things in life can be.   It started out as a water gun fight...but it turned into a breakthrough he had been praying for.  His autistic son, Noah was able to, at least for one night, get to be just "one of the boys".  This was going to be a night Noah or anyone else in the family would never ever forget.

It was one of those moments of pure raw emotional sweetness that Noah's hypnotically charming father knew was going to pass quickly.  He tried to find a way to make an emotional stamp on his heart of this moment so when in the future things seemed hopeless he could draw upon it for strength and comfort.  There are many times that Noah's Father, whose skin is smoother than a hand model, needs to connect to past inprints on his heart to find solace...so this was not going to be a new trick for him.

He decided that once he got home to their cabin and he got his still laughing children to sleep,(after an intensive power-shower to wash off the 14 layers of dirt and mountain mucus off their legs) he was going to sit down at the computer and type out a blog...you know...a blog....the thing that Doogie Howser MD invented.

The problem is, once Noah's freakishly sexy father sat down in front of the computer to type about the event that caused his smile to be painted on his perfectly shaped face he found himself at a loss for words.  Well...that is not exactly true.  He was just a loss for his own words.  The words that he could find were from the heart of his son, Noah.  So he wrote his blog as if Noah did it.  He felt comfortable doing this because just by staring into the eyes of his son that evening he could tell the story that Noah wanted to tell, but was unable to.

Here is what Noah's Daddy wrote on his behalf with eyes flooded with a pool of tears who were waiting to make their slalom.


Hello.  I am Noah Andrew Roedel.
I am ten years old and I am going into the fourth grade.
Love is all I am.

I love my Mommy, and my Daddy, and my brother's Riley, and Logan.
I also love my dog Monty.  He is a good dog and I like to feed him my Mc'Donald's hamburger when my parents aren't looking.
I also love my old dog Molly who died a couple of years ago.  I really miss her.  She was kind of fat and made the house smell funny, but I still miss her a lot.

Sometimes I fight with my brothers.  They take my stuff sometimes.  But you know what my mommy always says?  She says "You need to have patience when it comes to being a big brother".  Being patient with them is hard sometimes.   But I love my brothers.  They are my best friends and they help me when I am sad.  And when I am happy it is usually when they are around.

I also love Pokemon'.  It's pretty fun to learn all about Pokemon.  My daddy kind of looks like a Pokemon.  But my daddy doesn't have any special powers, except for the power of growing a really uneven beard.  Maybe my daddy should think about re-trying puberty again...I am not sure the first one stuck.

Oh, I also love horses and babies.  I am really good with both of them.  I love horses because I ride them once a week and they love me a lot too.  I love babies because they are so small and cute and I take care of them, and because they love me a lot too. 

I don't like tornado's or villains.  I think both of those things are stupid.  My parent's don't like it when I call things stupid.  But I think both of those things are stupid regardless of my parents feelings on the matter.  I say what I mean.  Sometimes I don't filter the things I say and I am trying to get better at that.  It's hard not to say what I think all the time.  I mean why should I make it a secret about what I am thinking?  That does not make any sense to me.  I think keeping secrets is stupid a bad choice.

I think I am a great kid.  My daddy tells me and my brothers how awesome we are every night before bed.  But sometimes I get really mad at myself.  Sometimes I wonder outl loud why my brain does not work like everyone else's.  Whenever I say that it freaks my parents out.   I wish my brain was like everyone elses....

I also don't like losing, or when people are mean to me.  Those things make me mad and sad at the same time.  I wish I never lost a game, ever.  But sometimes I lose and it makes my heart hurt.  I wish that everyone was nice to me and wanted to play with me.
But sometimes people don't invite me to play with them and it makes my heart hurt.  Bad.

I told my mom I wanted to be a doctor when I grow up. 

I am having the best week ever!
I have done a lot of really fun things.
I have gone horseback riding, and boat riding, and wall climbing, and go-kart racing, and swimming, and hiking to waterfalls, and meeting a lot of new and really cool people.
I am trying my best to make friends with other kids.
Sometimes that is really hard for me to do that.  I have a really hard time understanding them.  That sometimes makes me mad.
Making friends with adults is easier than making friends with other kids.
Adults are always very nice to me.  Well..they usually are. 
Other kids can sometimes be mean to me.  Not all kids...just a few of them.
Instead of getting mad at them I have learned to say "Oh Well".
That seems to keep them quiet.
But do you really want to know what makes me the maddest and saddest of all?

It's when other kids forget that I am a kid too.

Sometimes I am too serious and I am afraid to be silly. 
So I think that is why other kids sometimes ignore me or never ask me to play.
That makes my heart really really sad.
Like really sad.
It's hard for me to make friends.  I am not sure why but it really is.
Kids are usually nice to me for a while.  But then they kind of leave me alone and go off with each other.
They seem like they are all having a good time.
But I would at least rather have people be my enemy than for them to just act like I was invisible.
I hate being invisible.

The problem is that when I am invited to play I can't quite understand what the rules of the game are.
Plus I get really excited and kind of do my own thing, which makes it hard for me to follow along with what is going on.
I bet if I could just figure and understand the games that other children play I would be really good at them.

Have I ever told you that french fries are my favorite food?

Just last week I asked my mommy and daddy why I never get asked to sleepovers like the other kids in my class do.
They both looked really sad when I asked them this.
They said it would happen soon.
I didn't really believe them.
I asked my parents why I don't have playdates like my younger brothers do.
They both looked really sad when I asked them this.
They said it would happen soon.
Yeah right.

My daddy asked me yesterday if I was making friends.
I said "I don't know.  It's hard to make friends.  So maybe I won't have friends".
My daddy stopped asking me about it after that.
Which is okay, because I don't really like being asked a lot of questions.

I saw a movie once when my arm was broken about a little puppet boy who only wanted to become a "real boy".
Sometimes I dream about being a "real boy" too.
I want to play football with my classmates.  I want to be invited to the birthday parties.
I want to get dirty playing in the mud.
I want to to be able to understand the punchlines of all the jokes my silly classmate in my school always tries to tell me.
But I never do.

Remember how I was telling you that I was having a really fun week?
Well!  I want to tell you about tonight!
MY NIGHT??
MY NIGHT WAS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE!!
I got to be a real boy!

My parents took us to a big party in another cabin where there were a lot of other people.
I played with a big group of other kids..and my little brothers.
We had a huge water gun fight in the woods.
We rolled down dirt hills and chased each other all night.
There were times I had to sit down because I was laughing so hard.
I don't remember ever laughing so much.

The best part was that I wasn't invisible. 
Everyone saw me and they wanted to play with me!
Isn't that great???!!!
I think it is!
I dove through bushes while chasing the other children with the coolest water gun anyone has ever had!
Then when my water ran out they would chase me back!
I think I like being chased more than I like chasing.
Because if they are chasing me that means they like me!

Do you know what it is like to play with people?
It's the funnest thing in the world!
I felt like Woody from Toy Story who just wants to be played with!
When other kids are playing with me I feel the most real!
And boy did we play tonight!

My parents even let me and my brothers stay up way past our bedtime!
And they let us get dirty!  Like really really dirty!
It was sooooo cool!
They were watching me play in the woods from a deck that looked over the trees.
They looked so happy.
They looked like they were breathing easier.
That made me smile.

At the end of the night I was filthy and wet.
But I couldn't stop laughing.
The whole drive back to our cabin I kept thinking about how much fun it was to be able to play with other kids.
That doesn't happen to me everyday.
But I think it should.
I think I will try harder to make it happen.
Because other people should get to know me.
I am really cool and I am a really good artist too!

I love feeling like this!
Have you ever felt so happy that you are shaking?
If you need a reminder of what it looks like you should look at me.
I hope you can be as happy as I am.

I also hope my daddy asks me again if I have made any friends.
I want to tell him that I did.
I want to tell him that I really did.
And it feels so good.

My name is Noah Andrew Roedel.
I am 10 years old and I am going into fourth grade.
Love is all I am .


Dirt don't hurt.  Especially when it produces smiles like this.


A DIRT BAPTISM!  AMEN! AMEN!  I BELIEVE! 











LOVE IS ALL I AM
BY DAWES


I need a silent true-way to admire.
Like you as a sunset, and I as a wildfire.
And I can let the day go...

I've locked up these words, in fear that I'd say them wrong.
Is it love as a mountain, or love as a simple song?
And the moment that the two meet
has now laid itself at your feet.

And love is not convenient; it does not cease at your command.
You might take and leave it, but love is all I am.
Love is all I am.

I need a boundless, soft way to commend
Like you as a temper, and I as it's tender end.
And however long your fits last
I will live within your shadow cast.

And love is still your stranger; it does not respect how much you'll stand
You might be love's reminder, but love is all I am.
Love is all am.

I need a graceful, proud way to let go
To smile and accept the things that you don't know
The losses and the gains blurred
The weight of these as last words

And love is not excitement; it's not kissing, or holding hands
I'm not some assignment; no, love is all I am
Love is all I am.
Love is all I am.