It is too late for blogging.  I need to go to sleep because in a few hours my children will be jumping on my face wondering to their mother "Why does dad look more dead than usual?"  

I can't sleep. 

My mind won't let me.  Everytime I close my eyes I have a parade of random thoughts that march through my mental city square.  Each time it appears that Mr. Sandman is showing up to club me with his crowbar of sleep I have a new thought float past that captures my attention.

Some of those thoughts are:


Why can't I grow sideburns?

I wish that I would be able to remember the names of people I meet. 

Do Elk dream?

If so what is it they dream about?

I hope not me. 

That would be weird.

But it would explain why everytime I see one they seem to look at me like "You!!!!!"

Fraggle Rock was a show that both excited and terrified me.

I was a big fan of The Doozers.

However, the thought of a world of muppets living under my floorboards was something that continues to bother me.

I am not sure why that freaks me out so much.

Muppets are nice.

Unless they are drunk. 

I wish I could play an instrument.

Any kind really.

I think I could be really good at the triangle.

Is that considered an instrument?

I hope so.

I think I could rock it.

There are way too many movies that star Jude Law.

There are not enough movies that star Christopher Walken.

I think the people at Starbucks think I am homeless.

I should shower before I go there tomorrow.

And wear some sort of elegant cologne.

Which might not be a good idea.

They might think that I am being romantic.

When really all I want is coffee.

Coffee with caramel.

Mmmmmmm.

I should go to sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

Now.

I said now.

Hmmmm.

I wonder what The A-Team would do about Osama Bin Laden?

They could probably find him in about four hours.

I saw Mr. T once at an airport.

He looked sad.

He probably thought I did too.



These are the kind of things that keep my brain from shutting down when it is time to doze off.  Tonight my other problem is my poor body.  It is sore.  Sore. Sore. Sore.  This Ozymandian Show week is a little rough on me.  As much as I look it I am not really that physically active these days.  Our show on the 17th is forcing me to break my "No Sweat" rule. 

So I am sitting here tired and sore.  And...I am feeling older than I have in a while.

I am 35.

That is hard to type.

3
5

Yikes. 

My age is getting harder to ignore.

I can't fake it anymore.

Every day that passes I am becoming more and more Roedel-lized.

I am becoming fixed in who I am.  Kind of a late bloomer I know.

I am not depressed to be getting older.  I just am a little confused.

Will I be the same person at 40?

I hope so.

I like being this way.

I have grown to love not being who I thought I was going to be 15 years ago.

I have learned a lot about life.

Here is what I have learned in my three and a half decades:

1)  To let the bad stuff go.  Don't hang on to the crap-o-la.  Let it go man, let it go.

2)  To find something you love to do and will it to be part of your life.

3) Cherish what you have without yearning for something else.

4)  To love the fact that I am not nearly as smart as I think I am...and perhaps the more I learn the less I know.

5)  There is nothing better than a dinner table with friends, a warm meal, and a couple bottles of wine.

6)  Except for maybe bedtime stories with my little boys.

7)  Marrying up was the best move I have ever made.

8) That having to "be right" all the time ruins relationships.

9) That the universe is a very big place and I am very small.  Very. Very. Small.

10)  The longer I can put off becoming a typical grown up the better.

11)  I will never ever like Beets.  No matter how they are prepared.



As I get older my list of things I will learn will hopefully grow a bit.


My wish list for the next few years:

I hope I learn to become a bit softer with how I treat people. 

I hope that I will find the things in me that I admire in so many other folks.

I hope that I will learn to grill without overcooking the product.

That my fear of the outdoors will be replaced by a healthy dislike.

I hope that my Jennifer will continue to renew my lease.

That I will embrace each day with joy and not just another 24 hours closer to my end.


I am older now than I ever considered I would be.

I kind of like it.

If you are feeling older.  Listen to this song.  It will speak to you.


Goodnight.