I am going to put more disclaimers on this entry than a can of baby formula that contains asbestos. 

For those of you who enjoy the softer side of me please take a gander at this blog entry I wrote years ago that deals with a similar subject.   Same point...softer approach.


My disclaimers:


- In no way to I feel like I am better than anyone.  Just ask me.  I will tell you that I would consider myself near the bottom of the food chain.  I give people more of a benefit of a doubt than I give myself.  If I have a beef with someone my first and only step is usually to blame myself. 

- I generally believe that people are good.  If I somehow catch an ugly moment from someone I think I am pretty good at giving them a pass.

- I avoid conflict the way the law avoids Chicago politicians.  I hate it.  If there has to be conflict with someone my fret meter needle buries itself in the red.  I stay out of trouble.  I don't like it.  I like harmony.  I know there are some people who eat conflict for lunch.  They love conflict.  They hug it.  They get married to, and then have little conflict children with it.  Then they grow old with conflict and have adjoining grave sites.  I am unlike those people. 

- I never ever ever ever ever never ever never use my blog as a personal rant against people.  I feel uncomfortable with that for several of the reasons I have listed above.  I am going to break that rule tonight as I talk about a couple people I met at the grocery store tonight.  I will call them Mr. and Mrs. Tooldingus.  I do this because I don't really know their names.  If I did, I would still refrain from putting it on here.  I am a bleeder and I have no doubt that they would bring their brand of anger to my doorstep.  Besides I kind of think the name Tooldingus fits them better than their real name probably does anyway.



So here is what went down just a few hours ago.


I am haunting the aisles of my local grocery store around 8 pm here in Cheyenne.  I am a terrible shopper.  I really am.  I spend more time shuffling up and down the aisles like a zombie.  However, instead of searching for brains I am in looking for snacks/foods/drinksage that:

A - Won't further me closer to Heart Attack Valley.
B- Make my wife take my debit card from me.
C- Has a basic nutritional value for my three boys.
D- Has not expired.
E- Won't be something that I have to explain at the check out counter. 

While picking out food I often change my mind about things I have put into my cart.  I love things on the shelf, but as soon as they hit the metal netting at the bottom of my wheeled basket I have second thoughts.  I love Cookie Crisp while I look at the cute little bear and his delicious cereal...but once I commit it to my grocery womb I suddenly don't want it.  So...I was having a moment of indecision in front of the milk aisle.  I was spending way too much time with a small quart of chocolate milk.  Right now I cannot tell you why exactly I really wanted chocolate milk....I actually don't like milk that much....every time I drink it I feel like the dude in Aliens who has a critter make a door way out of his upper tummy.  I found myself holding this milk container in front of the fridge trying to communicate with my future self.  I wanted to ask "day older" Johnny if he actually was glad he purchased the choco milk.  As I was having a séance with myself and the plastic quart of Viva I noticed a mother come strolling by with two little girls.  The mom seemed a bit frazzled as she was trying to finish her shopping with two grouchy children.  I had been in that position many times before so I immediately noticed the warning sounds of trouble. 

Warning Signs of Young Child Meltdown in A Grocery Store:

1-  One or more children appears to be sleep walking.      Check.
2-  One or more children has become attached to some sort of toy that the parent has told them they cannot get.   Check.
3-  One or more children using the word "why" as a noun, verb, adjective, and pronoun.  Check.
4-  A parent who looks like they are on the verge of losing patience.  Check.
5-  One or more children who has already lost all their patience.   Check.

All those symptoms were present with the two children and mother who came barreling past me as I communed with my chocolate milk.  They continued their pilgrimage passed me and down the ice cream aisle behind me.  Within a few moments I heard the thunder I had been expecting.  One of the children started to cry....hard.  She let out a wail that indicated to me that she had reached her breaking point.  I have been on the receiving end of one of those fits by a child and I know how it feels.  I can empathize with the mom who must realize at this point that the whole store can hear the situation.  I feel bad for the little girl who is very sad and heartbroken about something that I can't see.  As I heard the poors little child's crying drown out the muzak that was trying to sell me on easy listening Fergie I went back about my mental discernment about the Chocolate Milk. 

It was then I heard something very very very stupid.   I heard a man's voice from behind me say something that smacked of:

"I hate it when parents can't control their brats"

That made my skin go colder than the milk I was holding.  I cannot stand it when people say things like that!!!!  I mean that really makes me angry.  Angry enough to say anything about it?  Nope...not yet at least.  With the poor child who was now a couple aisles away now still screaming I wished I had the nerve to turn around and face the person who would say such a thing.  Instead I put my eyes back down on the milk and minded my own stinkin' biz. 

It was then I heard something much more stupid than the previous comment.  It came from a woman this time.  She said coldly:

"Just another stupid brat who gets away with murder because her idiot parents let her."

Those words caused my eyebrows to shoot straight up and my blood to boil.  I could not take it anymore...I at least had to turn around and see who in their right minds who say something so bathed in idiot sauce.    I expected to see a couple of young kids who have no idea what it is like for a parent who is taking their children out shopping late in the evening.  I saw something terrible....

The orchestrator's of the stupidity were TWO PARENTS!!!!   They were standing right behind me with a child in their cart.  My look of surprise might have been the same had I turned around to see that the people were made out of Twix Bars and Won Ton Soup.  These two parentals had such a look of contempt on their kissers.  My look of shock drew their attention to me quickly.  I think they confused my look of shock as to suggest that I agreed with them.  That must the case because they had the courage to say the following phrases as the little girl's cries could still be heard:

"Tell that little brat to shut up!"

"I swear that some people should have their children taken away from them"

"Dang who lets their children act like that?"

I wanted to say something.  The little monkey in my brains started screaming "Say Something John!!!  Say something!!!  Say Anything!!!!"

I couldn't.  The reason my voice was frozen was partially out of shock and partially out of my fear of conflict.  For a moment the only thing I could do was stare at the poor child who was sitting in these two jerks cart.  The 2 year old turned her sweet blond head and looked at me as if to say "Take me with you.  My brain is dying". 

Then they said something that broke my fear bubble.  With one sentence they turned my passive aggression into something more vocal.  One of them (and I am not sure which of them said it) said:

"If that were my child I would smack her across the face and show her that she can't disrespect me!"

That was it.  Despite everything I stand for I butted in.  It went like this:

John:  That is not fair.

Mr. Tooldingus:  Excuse me?

John:  How do you know anything about that little girl who is crying?  Or the mother?

Mrs Tooldingus:  Why don't you mind your own business?

John:  The same could be said for you.  Why couldn't you just let her go without saying such horrible things.

Mr. Tooldingus:  Shut the (BLANKITY BLANK BLANK BLANK) up.  And get the BLAAAAAAANK away from us.

John: Alright.  But you should not really say those things about people you don't know.

Mr. Tooldingus:  And you should ^#$^&**%$&%#@#^&*((^&%$%##@@@@#$%^&.  (or something like that...I was having an out of body experience at this point)

With that I put the chocolate milk back into the giant fridge and went about my shopping.  I knew that as I was leaving their rage had moved from the little girl who was crying and was now directed to me.  They said some not too nice things about me as I walked away.  Which made me feel kind of good to know that I was on the wrong side of such dirt bags.

As I drove home I started to replay that moment again and again.  Of course my mind was filled with things I wised I would have said. Maybe if I would have stuck around an explained why I was so offended they might have been able to see how ugly they were acting.  Maybe if I would have stayed I would have discovered why they were able to say such horrible things.... So I have decided to write them a letter that I know they will never read.  This is done for my mental health more than anything.  I try not to write anything when I am angry.  This is the second blogging rule I will break tonight.


Dr. Mr & Mrs. Tooldingus,

I hope this letter meets you well.  When I saw you this evening I noticed you were buying some cookie dough.  I would suggest that you keep up to date with the latest Toll House Cookie Dough recall. 

While I am concerned about the cookie dough situation I am actually writing you for another reason.  I just wanted to know WHERE IN THE NAME OF SAM DONALDSON'S UNIBROW YOU GET THE NERVE TO JUDGE ANYBODY ELSE?????  Seriously???  How does someone become so self-righteous???  Do you live in a mental vacuum that is filled with internal "yes men" who do nothing more than approve every little thought you have??

I did not even want to come at you as the parent of a child with special needs, but....how the hecko did you know that the little girl you were berating wasn't suffering from something you cannot understand?  How do you know that the mother didn't just get off of a 14 hour work shift and was trying to get groceries for her children who miss spending time with her??  How do you know that they just didn't spend the weekend attending a funeral for one of their grandparents and were emotionally exhausted???  How do you know anything about this family???  You don't!!! 

You don't know this families story!  Yet, you have the ability to stand there and mock them and say those terrible things.  I guess I will never know "how" you could say those things.  Help me understand "why" you would say them?  Is it because you are better than that poor mother?  Have you been granted with parenting powers that we puny oxygen wasting humans fail to have?  Do you ever take a stroll outside of your own body and imagine what it would be like to be someone else.  Do ever try and understand other people's problems?  That is called empathy.  Maybe instead of the cookie dough you should buy some of that!

Listen Tooldingus's I have no doubt that once we get past your seemingly yucky personality there is something good inside you.  There has got to be a little light of kindness still burning underneath all those layers of muddy ignorance and hatred.  Spend some time in quiet and try to reconnect with that light.  Find the little child inside you...for the sake of the little beautiful child you are raising.  Do you really want her to grow up being showered with some of those meteors of reckless stupidity you lobbied in my direction.  I feel really bad for your little girl. I mean if you are able to say suck cold blooded things in a public place, than what are you saying under your own roof??  Please for the love of God dig deep inside yourself and remind yourself that you are a part of the human race and that you need to be compassionate.  If you don't do that you will ruin that little girl you have.  Yes you can mock a crying child you don't know with little consequence...but if you teach a your own little one that living with contempt for your fellow man is the way to go then you are nothing more than a meatbag.

Before I go let me address this comment you made:

"If that were my child I would smack her across the face and show her that she can't disrespect me!"

I am not Bill Cosby or anything but I know a little about being a parent.  When a child is crying it is not because they are trying to disrespect you!!!!!  Disrespect is when a mobster leaves a horse head in your bed.  A screaming child is not the same thing.  Here is another clue:  Hitting a crying child will not stop the child from crying!!!!  What kind of logic is that???  Aside from being inhuman it also shows that you have the IQ to make me look an Ivy League Prof.  That is like treating a cavity with a regiment of candy necklaces.  With those kind of comments it makes me feel like there is really no hope for either of you...or your poor little girl.

I can only hope in the next day or two you are visited by some sort of Ghosts of August 2nd past, present, and future who can demonstrate how cold blooded you two have become.  There has got to be a cure what junk is in the trunk of your heart.  I hope you find it.  Because now that I have met you I feel like I have to become a much better person just to balance out your lameness.

Well, Mr. & Mrs. Tooldingus that is enough on my end.  I hope you have summered well and did not get too crazy during Cheyenne Frontier Day's.  I will write you again if I cannot sleep later and feel the need to further vent.


Your Fellow Grocer.

Jo-Ro

PS.  Find joy.  Somewhere.