I Grieve
Johnny no likey July.
My disgust with this sweaty month can be attributed to a few things: Bugs, Heat, a rodeo that invades Cheyenne and leaves a hard to get rid of manure smog, bugs, the cost of gas goes up, I get to be reminded on a daily basis how I stink at BBQ, bugs, road construction, bugs, and bugs. July is an unwelcome guest in my B & B. It is 31 days of yuck and suck. July is like a mutated monkey who escapes a secret lab and starts eating the townspeople. (wait...that my be my next screenplay. I will call it "Hungry Mutant Monkey")
I know most people are summer people who embrace the warm winds of the season. I get it...I am kind of alone when it comes to my hatred of July...who happens to be the Alpha Dog of summer months. Well aside from my perhaps shallow reasons why I dislike July I need to tell you the biggest reason I don't like this rat spit pie of a month. Yes, I hate bugs and road construction and all of that, but the major problem I have with July is the following:
Most funerals I attend are in July.
I don't know what it is about the 7th month of the year for me, but it is as unlucky as a black cat breaking a mirror under a ladder. The Grim Reaper must have a serious quota that he needs to keep in July. I have spoken to other people who kind of have the same problem with this stupid time of the year. I know a bunch of people who are grieving for someone who has recently passed in this month, or this happens to be the anniversary of the death of someone they love.
So this is for all of you who are like me and July is spent in a state of remembrance of someone who has passed from this life.
Here were my thoughts over three years ago about the subject of dealing with the loss of someone. It was my reflections of my time with my father as he was dying. I was going to add to them tonight...but my words now are no better than they were years ago. Link: J-Roe's Old My Space blog - One of the first I ever wrote. My dear father died 12 years ago this July 18th.
In any loss of someone that has been close to me there have been two things that have helped me carry on. They are the following:
A GRIEF OBSERVED - By C.S. Lewis.
When my father passed away I was shattered. To this day I cannot remember anything about the funeral, reception, or various family functions that followed. It is like my brain took a 10 day holiday I am without many memories of the experience. One thing I do remember is the words that Fr. Beaver's spoke during the eulogy. He said that my dad was like the north star. That he was like that star that always hung in the sky to guide and light my way. And now that star had fallen. That nothing again would feel the same. Everything he said was right...and I don't think it was until he said those particular words that the reality of everything flooded me.
A few short weeks later my job as youth minister was taking me away for a multi-week stint in Europe for World Youth Day. I did not really want to go. I was still weighed down with sadness of the loss and guilt over things I wished I would have done differently. I was still heart broken and in no real shape to be going away from my home and across the world. A friend of mine knew this and responded by giving me "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis.
It is a book written by Lewis after the death of his beloved his wife Joy. It is seeping with anger, deep sadness, faith crisis, and in the end we journey with him to a moment of real peace. For me it was the tonic I needed to begin to repair the bridge that had been severed between me and the real world. Each night as I read another chapter I felt as if he was writing it just for me. I highly recommend it for anyone who struggles with the passing of their North Star. Here are a couple of my favorite quotes from it:
"And grief still feels like fear. Perhaps, more strictly, like suspense. Or like waiting; just hinging about waiting for something to happen. It gives life a permanently provisional feeling. It doesn't seem worth starting anything. I can't settle down. I yawn, I fidget, I smoke too much. Up till this I always had too little time. Now here is nothing but time. Almost pure time, empty successiveness. "
"And so, perhaps, with God. I have gradually come to feel that the door is no longer shut and bolted. Was it my own frantic need that slammed it in my face? The time when there is nothing at all in your soul except a cry for help may be just the time when God can't give it: you are like the drowning man who can't be helped because he clutches and grabs. Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear. "
- C.S. Lewis "A Grief Observed
The other thing that gets me through moments of grief is:
"I GRIEVE" By Peter Gabriel.
It is a song so perfectly crafted that It speaks to anyone who has ever lost anyone. It is emotional, painful, and ultimately packed with hope. Anytime I miss the people I care about who have gone I listen to this song. Lets take a look at the lyrics:
"I Grieve"
it was only one hour ago
it was all so different then
there's nothing yet has really sunk in
looks like it always did
this flesh and bone
it's just the way that you would tied in
now there's no-one home
I grieve for you
you leave me
'so hard to move on
still loving what's gone
they say life carries on
carries on and on and on and on
the news that truly shocks is the empty empty page
while the final rattle rocks its empty empty cage
and i can't handle this
I grieve for you
you leave me
let it out and move on
missing what's gone
they say life carries on
they say life carries on and on and on
life carries on
in the people i meet
in everyone that's out on the street
in all the dogs and cats
in the flies and rats
in the rot and the rust
in the ashes and the dust
life carries on and on and on and on
life carries on and on and on
it's just the car that we ride in
a home we reside in
the face that we hide in
the way we are tied in
and life carries on and on and on and on
life carries on and on and on
did I dream this belief?
or did i believe this dream?
now i can find relief
I grieve
I could go line by line and talk about how each perfectly describes what it is like to grieve. Really, take a moment to go back over it and read it. And once those words are fresh in the mind you must listen to it being sung. Gabriel's emotional voice and lyrics combine into a remedy for people who are suffering over the loss of someone.
"I grieve for you. You leave me."
Listen.
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