Logan Roedel reacts to his Father's latest Adams Camp Blog.  Taken right before bedtime.





"Are you Ok?"  my wife Jennifer asked me while trying to conceal the fact that she was in fact laughing at me and my situation.  Since I always unintentionally do things every day that demonstrate my lack of grace to my wifey,  I can easily tell when she is trying to suppress a growing storm of giggles.  Her first tell is that her bottom lips becomes very rigid, kind of like one of those ventriloquist dolls.  Another easy way to detect that Jennifer is hiding her amusement is she will not look at me.  So when I looked over at her this afternoon as we were driving down a dirt road here at Adam's Camp I could determine right away that she has seen and heard what I did not want her to.   Apparently my attempt to hid the incident did not really work...

A few moments before there was a tiny lady bug crawling on the inside of the passenger window next to me.  While I realize that these polka-dotted creatures carry no venom, stingers, or intent to cause harm I still am not a big fan of them.  Even though they may be the most cuddle-worthy of the Buggy Kingdom they are still in fact a bug.  Johnny no likely bugs.  In fact Johnny declared war on Bugs years ago when he found a spider taking a spa in his glass of milk.  If I had not been looking down into the glass before I began to gulp it,  Mr. Spidey would have been writing "Some Pig" across my stomach.  Since that day I have had a little invisible bubble that I keep around myself and all things creepy crawly.  So when I say Miss Ladybug happily marching a mere foot away from my head I had no choice but to act.

Before you get all upset I was not planning on smashing the little thing.  I was simply going to evict it from the car...after all I am sure if pressed it would probably admit that being in the car with creatures the size of us was probably a bad move on it's part anyway.  I could not let my wife or children know that I was going to do this.  Because if they knew that I had a problem with this little red spotted buggy then I would be fodder for merciless heckling.  I would have to send Ladybug out without drawing any attention to myself.

Well for those of you who spend any kind of time with me you know then that I am incapable of making it through a day without drawing unwanted attention to myself.  As I power slide the window down a crack I waited patiently for the little thing to fly out.  When it did not I decided that I needed to give it a little push.  With my finger trembling I brought it back into a flick position and I tried to goal kick the Ladybug off the window and into the more habitable woods that were surrounding us.  I knew I would only have one shot at this and my finger flick would have to be perfect.  I drew back my index finger and cocked it like a pistol.  For a moment I caught myself and the Ladybug looking at each other.  She blinked at me as if to say "No worries. I am ready.  Flick away!"  I let my finger go....I felt the friction of it sliding past my thumb and toward pay dirt.

I am uncertain what went wrong.  I don't know if what happened was the result of poor aim on my part, or if it was due to the Ladybug having second thoughts, or to basic physics.  Somehow in the motion of me trying to flick it out of the car the buggy ended up coming up right into my face.  I am not going to lie.  I freaked out.  I freaked out way too much.  Looking back I think if I would have just slowed down and said to myself "Hey dude, it's just a beautiful little Ladybug.  It can't hurt anything.  It loves you" then things would have worked out better.  Instead of having that zen like awareness I opted for taking a different response to the floating bug....

I let out a guttural sound while jerking my body around and kicking both legs straight up into the air.  I imagine had I just been bit in the face by a snake from the Amazon my reaction would have been fairly similar.  I am not clear on what it was I shouted but eyewitness reports indicate that I screamed "Oh God please no!  in a tone that sounded disembodied.  You would think my shame would end there....it did not.

Due to all of my convulsing I had but my body in an awkward and vulnerable position.  Somehow the unthinkable happened. 

The Ladybug ended up in my nose.

Let me be clear.  It did not just end up in the front gate of my nostril kingdom.  No, it had made it's way down Mainstreet and was attempting to get on Space Mountain.  I could feel it's wings banging 'round my sneezers for a brief moment and it sent me into shock.  Since I did not handle the bug being within a foot of me with any kind of bravery you can imagine that my reaction to this was pretty strong.  While grunting and wrathing about in the seat for a bit I thought perhaps this was it for me.  Soon the Ladybug would make its way into my brain and begin feasting.  I had to do something...and quick.  The problem was I did not know what to do.  People tell you what to do when tornado's come, or when there is a fire.  But nobody ever tells you what to do when a bug is fluttering inside your nose.

I decided that my only option was to blow.  Like the whale who expelled Jonas I had snort out this bug before it was too late.

I had only one chance at this.  While my hands dug into the arms of my seat I blew my nose.  I blew my nose hard and with great emotion.  I blew my nose like my life depended on it.  I blew and blew until I started seeing little white spots out of the corner of my eye.  My heart raced as I saw the ladybug emerge from  my nose and land on my shoe down below.  Our eyes met again.  This time it looked at me as if to say "You have no idea the things I have seen man.  I have seen some stuff I was never meant to see.  I am not the same bug as I was before.  Please step on me now."

Now that it was clear that I was going to survive this attack the thought occurred to me that my wife and children might have recognized what was going on.  I was hoping not....

"Are you Ok?"  my wife asked.....

Dang it I was caught....



Am I okay?????  Ok????  No...neither me or the Ladybug are Okay with what happened.  What does it mean to be ok anyway?  Yes I may be ok.  But just being "ok" kind of stinks.   What in the heck does OK mean???

I have no idea. 

We use the word "Ok" all the time.  It is the ranch dressing of our vocab.  We use it on everything.  Our day was "okay".  Our meal was "okay".  The movie we saw last week was "just Okay".  When someone dies we ask the family member how they are holding up and usually they/we answer with "I am doing...ok".

OK has become the polite way of saying that things aren't great.  We don't want to burden people with our problems so we label everything as "okay".  We need to start to understand that just being okay is not good enough anymore.

Earlier today....long before the Ladybug decided to take a journey up my noogy highway I was in a room of parents.  So many of them have stories that would break your heart into a thousand pieces.  They have stories of children who are fighting for their lives, their dignity, and their place in this world that demands perfection.  These parents have stories of personal loss that is so profound that it literally humbles me to just hear it.  I am humbled by their bravery.  I can no longer feel sorry for myself when I am witness to the roads that other folks have to take.

I heard one lady talking that she is sick and tired of acting like everything is "just fine..when it is quite the opposite."  She felt like screaming to the next person who asked who asked her "How she was doing?" that she was broken, hurt, and mourning the loss of her child who is still right there next to her.  That she is angry at the schools, society, and herself for not being able to fix her son.  She wanted to be honest for once and not to just tell people that everything is peachy.  She wanted to be able to admit to people that she needed help in dealing with her child who will never be able to talk or tell her that he loves her.  She was regretting the fact that in her daily life that she has anyone she can be honest with and confide in. 

It had me thinking that we are not honest enough with people.  We just tell people what they want to hear.  Now, I am not saying that we need to unload all of our problems at the stranger at the store.  I am saying that we all need to have people in our lives who we can break passed the BS barrier.  We can tell them that to "hell with being okay.  Things suck.  I need help.  Please listen to my story. Pray for me.  I am not okay...no matter what I say I am not okay"

If you have that person in your life that is great.  Rest assured that not everyone has that kind of support.  

There have been many times in my life as a parent that I have told people when asked that "I am ok".  That has often been a lie and I knew it.  And...the person I was telling it to probably knew it was a lie too.  I have it with being OK.

So if you have made it through this entry I am going to ask you to be that person for some complete strangers.  Pray for a group of parents who are gathering here in the Rocky Mountains who are most certainly not okay.  They are hurting...and they need someone to give them a moment of thought. Just close your eyes and ask that these parents realize that through all of their balancing acts, personal guilt, and moments of weakness that they are not alone.  

That being said I guess we all have fault lines in our lives.  We are one personal earthquake away from being in ruins.  Those happen all the time.  We all bottom out at one time or another.  Just don't medicate those moments by trying to convince yourself or others that you are "okay".  Let me repeat being ok sucks.  Especially since each of us were designed for greatness.  Don't be afraid to shout to your friends and family when you are not ok..  Also, if someone tells you that they are "okay" but everything else about them screams otherwise you should probably ask some follow up questions.

Oh...and never ever snort Ladybugs.  They smell funny.....okay?