A Great Full Heart
Despite all of the invisible forces that have aligned against me I am happy.
I just can't help it.
Even though I have been eating a daily bowl of monkey poop stew for the last couple years I am flashing a broken smile between bites.
Because a few years ago I made a decision right here on a blog to remain grateful for everything in my life. No matter what happens to me appreciate every moment as if they were perfectly formed just for me. Well...that attitude has seemingly been challenged by the fates. Over the past couple years I have faced hard times that made me question everything about myself, my beliefs, and my future. I have been enveloped by skin-crawlingly awkward moments that pushed me toward sniffing the closest bottle of white out in order to send me to a make believe world of dancing Bunnies and a rivers of caramel. I have suffered personal, professional, and emotional setbacks that when listed together sound more depressing than teenage poetry. I have survived more experiences of raging raw stress than there are reality shows about former rock stars looking for love. (I believe the number is 300)
For each of those dark and dreary moments of the past couple years I am grateful. Not because I enjoy pain...because I really don't. I am a coward. Ask my wife. She gets to watch me stub my toe at least twice a day. Each time I do I turn it into a very melodramatic ballet of arm flaying, body contorting, and barrel rolls. While I roll around on the floor clutching my foot I let out a scream that has the power to rip open a worm hole between our world and the one that is existing on some other parallel universe. (this is the universe where Tom Cruise and I have swapped lives. Top Gun...staring John Roedel) So no...I don't embrace my suffering because I am some sick pain loving freak. I am grateful for the bad times because it makes the good ones even sweeter.
What are the good times like? The good times are usually small slices of life that can catch us off guard. They are those moments where everything clicks together like lego blocks. It is the experience that all of us have from time to time where it feels like the sun is burning out in space just for us and it's warm rays are being guided to blanket us only. The good moments are often small things that we let slip past us without any recognition on our part. But since I make it a practice to try and embrace each moment (good or bad) I usually am somewhat aware of the good ones.
What are my good moments lately?
-Puppy sighs. Is there anything better than sitting next to a doggie who lets out a sigh of pure and utter content. My pup, Monty does this after a full tummy, and a five minute ear rub down. He just lets out this sigh of a being who is so happy that at any moment may just explode into a ball of fluff. If I were able to relax enough to let out a sigh like he does I think my soul would get confused and start heading out.
-Good music. Especially good new music. I love listening to a new band/artist for the first time that I really connect with. Right now it happens to be The Airborne Toxic Event. Awesome stuff and it is soundtracking my writing right now. A good playlist can calm the sea's of my heart at a moments notice. Without music I would have snapped long ago. I would be living in the park trying to prepare my army of ducks to take over Cheyenne. On the same note is there nothing better than attending an outside concert during the summer. Listening to live music under the stars is the heroin for my spirit.
-Being creative. Comng up with an idea that makes it way onto a piece of paper. Then later watch that idea grow into something tangible, and then watch it as it impacts people in performance. When I die I won't have a legacy of brilliant books, theories, or businesses with my name on it. I will just have a series of moments and memories that I helped create for people. It is in that knowledge that I can sleep at night.
-Dinner with friends. While breaking bread with friends I like to press the pause button on the Tivo in my head and just take in the moment. Good food, good wine, and laughter around an intimate table is where I long to always be. If a killer comet were on it's way to rip through our planet I would want to be nowhere else but in a dinner chair telling old stores with friends with a garlicy breath.
-Watching my children become better than me. Once I drop my ego-driven parent disguise and I just watch my children I am left in wonder of who they are. I have an artist, a actor, a storyteller, a singer, a healer, a warrior, and a pure hearted traveler wrapped up in three little boys. Soon they are going to realize how gifted they are. Once they do...they are going to make their mark. I just get to sit back and watch them shattered the ceiling that people try to put over them. In those moments where I can witness the miracle of each of them is a moment I am happy to be alive. If I do nothing else on Earth I will be lighting the path for them to walk, and I will be their biggest cheerleader. I will do that more often once I get over myself a bit.
-Moments of meditation
-The first snowfall of the year
-Weddings
-Reading Entertainment Weekly
-Watching the old man at StarBucks who is there everyday writing poetry
-Walking around a the same lake everyday.
Oh the list of my good moments I am grateful for can go on longer than a Jonas Brothers song. (which is what I hear they are playing at Gitmo...)
Life is good. Even though most days it is easy to dwell on what is wrong.....doing so holds us back from the small graces that happen all day long. Embrace the good and the bad. Be grateful for both...but hold onto the good. Give it top billing.
What are you grateful for?
I just can't help it.
Even though I have been eating a daily bowl of monkey poop stew for the last couple years I am flashing a broken smile between bites.
Because a few years ago I made a decision right here on a blog to remain grateful for everything in my life. No matter what happens to me appreciate every moment as if they were perfectly formed just for me. Well...that attitude has seemingly been challenged by the fates. Over the past couple years I have faced hard times that made me question everything about myself, my beliefs, and my future. I have been enveloped by skin-crawlingly awkward moments that pushed me toward sniffing the closest bottle of white out in order to send me to a make believe world of dancing Bunnies and a rivers of caramel. I have suffered personal, professional, and emotional setbacks that when listed together sound more depressing than teenage poetry. I have survived more experiences of raging raw stress than there are reality shows about former rock stars looking for love. (I believe the number is 300)
For each of those dark and dreary moments of the past couple years I am grateful. Not because I enjoy pain...because I really don't. I am a coward. Ask my wife. She gets to watch me stub my toe at least twice a day. Each time I do I turn it into a very melodramatic ballet of arm flaying, body contorting, and barrel rolls. While I roll around on the floor clutching my foot I let out a scream that has the power to rip open a worm hole between our world and the one that is existing on some other parallel universe. (this is the universe where Tom Cruise and I have swapped lives. Top Gun...staring John Roedel) So no...I don't embrace my suffering because I am some sick pain loving freak. I am grateful for the bad times because it makes the good ones even sweeter.
What are the good times like? The good times are usually small slices of life that can catch us off guard. They are those moments where everything clicks together like lego blocks. It is the experience that all of us have from time to time where it feels like the sun is burning out in space just for us and it's warm rays are being guided to blanket us only. The good moments are often small things that we let slip past us without any recognition on our part. But since I make it a practice to try and embrace each moment (good or bad) I usually am somewhat aware of the good ones.
What are my good moments lately?
-Puppy sighs. Is there anything better than sitting next to a doggie who lets out a sigh of pure and utter content. My pup, Monty does this after a full tummy, and a five minute ear rub down. He just lets out this sigh of a being who is so happy that at any moment may just explode into a ball of fluff. If I were able to relax enough to let out a sigh like he does I think my soul would get confused and start heading out.
-Good music. Especially good new music. I love listening to a new band/artist for the first time that I really connect with. Right now it happens to be The Airborne Toxic Event. Awesome stuff and it is soundtracking my writing right now. A good playlist can calm the sea's of my heart at a moments notice. Without music I would have snapped long ago. I would be living in the park trying to prepare my army of ducks to take over Cheyenne. On the same note is there nothing better than attending an outside concert during the summer. Listening to live music under the stars is the heroin for my spirit.
-Being creative. Comng up with an idea that makes it way onto a piece of paper. Then later watch that idea grow into something tangible, and then watch it as it impacts people in performance. When I die I won't have a legacy of brilliant books, theories, or businesses with my name on it. I will just have a series of moments and memories that I helped create for people. It is in that knowledge that I can sleep at night.
-Dinner with friends. While breaking bread with friends I like to press the pause button on the Tivo in my head and just take in the moment. Good food, good wine, and laughter around an intimate table is where I long to always be. If a killer comet were on it's way to rip through our planet I would want to be nowhere else but in a dinner chair telling old stores with friends with a garlicy breath.
-Watching my children become better than me. Once I drop my ego-driven parent disguise and I just watch my children I am left in wonder of who they are. I have an artist, a actor, a storyteller, a singer, a healer, a warrior, and a pure hearted traveler wrapped up in three little boys. Soon they are going to realize how gifted they are. Once they do...they are going to make their mark. I just get to sit back and watch them shattered the ceiling that people try to put over them. In those moments where I can witness the miracle of each of them is a moment I am happy to be alive. If I do nothing else on Earth I will be lighting the path for them to walk, and I will be their biggest cheerleader. I will do that more often once I get over myself a bit.
-Moments of meditation
-The first snowfall of the year
-Weddings
-Reading Entertainment Weekly
-Watching the old man at StarBucks who is there everyday writing poetry
-Walking around a the same lake everyday.
Oh the list of my good moments I am grateful for can go on longer than a Jonas Brothers song. (which is what I hear they are playing at Gitmo...)
Life is good. Even though most days it is easy to dwell on what is wrong.....doing so holds us back from the small graces that happen all day long. Embrace the good and the bad. Be grateful for both...but hold onto the good. Give it top billing.
What are you grateful for?
Blog everyday please! I am grateful for the fact that I was able to be with my mother as she passed a couple weeks ago.
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This was exactly what I needed this morning. I subscribed to your blogs to support a sister who is raising an autistic daughter...but now I am here just for me.
Thank you!!!!
Love from Alabama
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Grateful for waves on a beach. I walk past them every morning.
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