****Editors Note******

This is part four of the time line of John Kennedy Roedel.  This is meant purely for the score of people who have been requesting research for their various publications about the life and times of Mr. Roedel.  We feel that this brief year by year benchmark time line will become the one resource for all those who just got to know more about John.  As far as we know this is the only such published material on this subject matter and we are proud to provide it for you.  Because we feel the more we learn about John and his life the more we can learn about our own very existence.  If you find any historical inaccuracies with anything written please keep it to yourself....we have a very thin skin and do not respond well to criticism.  No bailouts or members of NRA were hurt while gathering information for this important document.

Enjoy!





1981



For Mr. Roedel 1981 was the year he was introduced to a place that would cause him a lifetime of emotional and physical scarring.  It was a place that was a house of external and internal pain...a place that sadistically took delight in both peeling the skin from his body and cracking his heart in half like a Robins egg.

That place was the Gettysburg  for all Cheyenne Grade Schoolers that ever went to a birthday party in the 80's.  This place was like Thunderdome for the young....fifty grade schools enter it...only one will leave without half dollar sized blisters, a permanent limp, or social humiliation.

That place was none other than.....ROLLER CITY.



What looks like a nice little warehouse is in fact a den of skinned knees, broken spirits, and roller skating induced trips to the ER.


Roller City was the place that all self-respecting 1st graders had their birthday parties in Cheyenne.  If John Roedel was a star in Beverly Hills 90210 than Roller City was his "Peach Pit".  It was the place where anyone who wanted to be seen as cool went to.  It was the pre-teen version of "Studio 54" except with a little less drug use, homicides, and cross dressing.  (note:  the keyword in that sentence is little)  This roller skating rink was where kids could in the course of one session (which was typically 3 hours) fall in love, become a stalker, convince the object of their affection to "skate-dance", go steady,  break their collarbone, and then be dumped by their former love while being treated by the local EMT's.  John wonders to this day why there were never any emergency vehicles and psychological counseling waiting outside of the building for someone to have a near death experience that involved a skate heel to the skull or for the youngster whose feelings got the "Jennifer Aniston Treatment".

John remembers the first time he was invited to a birthday party at Roller City.  It was like getting a golden ticket from Mr. Wonka.    The young girl's name was Donna and she invited everyone in the class to come and honor the day she was born by putting their lives in jeopardy while recklessly skating in a circle around the overcrowded rink.  John's parents were extremely nervous about this party for one very good reason.  Early on they had realized that John had the Gross Motor skill rating that was equivalent to a drunk Raccoon.  Their answer at first was a resounding "no" to John's request to attend the event of the social season.  John countered their refusal with lots of weeping, pleading, tantrums, and assurances that if they did not let him go he would someday vote for a Democrat.  Eventually Mr. Roedel's parents dropped their protest and John was allowed to attend the party of the century. 

When John walked into the doors of Roller City for the first time it was an experience of true wonderment.  It was like he stepped into a fantasy world.  A world of screaming children, disco music,  dangerous foot odor,flashing lights, and the smoke of deep fried grease that was coming from the food court that blanketed the rink like a big city smog.  It was chaotic, noisy, and very very smelly...and within a moment of taking it all in John Roedel knew that this place was going to be his new church. 

He took immediate stock of the layout of the rink.  He noticed the semi-carpeted long wall that obviously provided children the ability to crash into the wall without fear of being hurt.  John later discovered that while those walls were kind of carpeted it made things a bit more dangerous due to the millions of little carpet staples that stuck out like barber wire.  John was told eventually that the wall was haunted due to the man who was constructing it died and was buried into the wall.  After the long wall of carpet staples there was a smaller half wall that surrounded the rest of the rink.  It was a place where stressed out parents could only stand and watch their children play Super-Fast-Roller-Death Wish. Along the half wall was a couple of exit ramps that people took to get on and off the "Interskate".  John learned within a few moments of watching that those entry points were usually the cause of some of the more dramatic collisions.   Often times people would be too busy skating backwards to the music of Lionel Richie to notice that someone was trying to merge into traffic...

John went and got his skates from a chain smoking dude who looked as if he had not slept or combed his hair since Woodstock.  From John's memory here is how that interaction went:

DUDE: (cough, hack, sneeze, and spit in a cup *repeat four times*)  Uggh.  What size skate do you wear kid?

JOHN: Um.  Small?

DUDE:  I don't know what the hell that means. What is your number?

JOHN:  Um.  19?

DUDE:  #%@%^&$%!

JOHN: You are awesome!

DUDE: Shut up, stop trying to hug me, and let me look at you.

The king of Skate Rentals then put his one good eye upon Roedel and scanned him to figure out what size of skate he needed.  When his creepy googily-eyed research ended The King handed John the skates he felt would fit him.  He gave John the skates with one piece of clever advice..."Don't come crying to me when you break you ankles stupid".

The next several hours were seemingly spent with his mother trying to figure out how the name of Gary Coleman to lace the skates.  There was a system of knots that were put in place by the prior renter that would have confused a Naval Commander.  John's mom worked her fingers to the point of blood to get himt on the rink before the party ended.  John spent the down time watching the other children fling their bodies around the ring.  He watched them like a boxer would watch tape of his opponent.  He watched their moves, their passing strategies, their weaknesses.  You see even though John had not taken a step in his skates yet he was set to become the master of the roller.  His mind played fantasy after fantasy of the other kids in his class watching him skate in utter amazement.  The fantasy always ended with the cutest girl in the class named Molly planting a big wet smooch on his cheek in admiration of his acrobatics.

When John's mom solved the knot riddle it was time to skate!  John rose to his feet to give his roller testimony and immediately found out that  gravity was going to serve as a serious obstacle to his fantasy coming true.  His legs kicked out from under him and was left flat on his back looking up at his mother who had a look of a person who was about to watch her son board The Titanic.  After snapping his spinal column back into place John stood up and again tried to make his way to the rink.  While he was uneasy on his wheeled feet at first it did not take him long to kind of get the hand of it.  John discovered that balance came easier if he flayed his arms out if front of himself in a counter clockwise motion.  It was clear that if he pretended to act like he was on fire then he would remain on his feet longer.  The next hour John spent perfecting his "child on fire" balancing act to the tunes of Devo, The Go-Go's, and David Lee Roth.

While practicing,the father of Donna the birthday girl came over to John and gave him a tip that would later prove to be almost fatal.  He pointed out to John that the extra wheel that rested on the tip of his skates could serve as a brake.  John had assumed that those wheels were there just in case of a flat....but braking might come in use he supposed.

A few moments later the music stopped and the DJ announced that it was time for the big skate race. 

John felt ready.  It was time to put all his practicing to the test.  It was going to be a two lap race around the rink and the winner would receive free nachos from the bar.  John loved Nachos!!

As he lined up on the starting stripe John looked over at his competition.  They all looked scared...after all most of them were skating for the first time as well.  Unlike them our hero was not afraid.  He was sure he would win because of his love of Nachos and his desire to impress the beautiful Molly who was watching from the other side of the half wall.  John made brief eye contact with her as if to say "This race is for you...and for the Nachos that I will let you watch me eat".

John then heard his mother's very recognizable shriek filling the arena.  She had just noticed that he was about to race and it was clear that she was not happy about it.  "Joooooooooohhhhhhhn!  Get the hell out of there!!!!!!!  You can't skaaaaaaaaaate." 

Mr. Roedel assumed that was her way of using reverse psychology.  He ignored her pleas.

Then John looked over and sawThe King of Skate Rentals peering over his shoe counter with extreme interest.  John winked at him to inform The King that this was all part of the plan.  The King simply shook his head and mouther the words "You gonna die".

The gun went off and the race began!

John and his "child on fire" style got him off to an early lead.  The adrenaline and energy of the moment had moved him into a faster gear that none of his practice sessions had brought him to before.  With his stumpy legs kicking wildly and his arms waving John had a serious lead going into the first turn.

The turn!!  Oh dear Lord....The Turn...

It came to John at that moment that he had not really practiced turning.  Every time before he had to turn he would stop completely and on his hands and knees and then turn to the new direction he wanted to move. After that John would get on his feet and start flaying again.   Since John had reached Roedel-Record speed turning in that manner was not longer an option.  He thought maybe he could use the wall of staples as a brace for himself to crash into and then readjust his heading...but that would cost him valuable time and this was race he wanted to win.

It was then that John remembered what Donna's father had told him.  The wheels on the ends of his skates could be used as a brake.  With the turn now upon him he had to act fast.  With the grace of a ballerina John planted both f his toes into the hard surface below him as to allow these magical brakes to do their stuff.

What happened next is considered by all who witnessed it a moment where a child defied the limits of the physical world.  As John's wheel brakes dug into the rink his body shot forward.  His legs had stopped in their place but his upper body continued at the same warp speed it had been going.  John's legs went out behind him and his flaying upper body went out in front like a tree limb.  For a brief moment it appeared like John was flying as he hovered mid-air like a superhero who had discovered he had powers from the yellow sun above him.

As was stated that moment of suspended animation was brief as soon John came crashing to the unforgiving surface like a bag of flour.  It was a level 9 face plant in front of a gasping and horrified crowd.  Above it all John could hear his mother's call of "Joooooooohhhhhn!!!  I tooooooooold you!!"  Then the flood of pain began to wash over the first grader.  His knees, elbows, and kidney started to report possible serious damage when the next wave of consequences fell upon him.  Literally.

The other children who John was beating in the race had no idea how to stop either.  By now there were like a ball of humanity that each wore a gaze of "So this is how I die" upon their kissers.  John's broken and frozen body was now in the way of the oncoming traffic.  The gang of skate stomping grade schoolers crashed into Roedel with an unforgiving fury.  If you ever wanted to know what it sounds like to have 12-14 first graders smack skulls against each other then this would have been the moment for you...

The aftermath of the crash looked a lot like the scene in Braveheart after the major battle.  Parents sifted through the carnage poking at the bodies to determine who lived and who had gone on to meet God.

John lived. 

Donna never invited him to another party.