Time to check in a bit. 



My empty blog this morning at the coffee shop.  Nothing to write about.....nothing at all.....



I feel like I should be saying something. 

I have nothing really on my mind...except how much I love the taste of caramel.  That ain't exactly blog topic material.  Although I am certain I could write for a great deal of time about my addiction to it's sweet and sticky essence.  Carmel is proof enough for me that a higher power exists.  Only something this amazingly tasty could be crafted through the careful chemistry of a divine chef.  If I could wear a suit made out of caramel I would....while that image may be slightly horrifying for you all it would be my desired uniform of choice.  I can see very few cons with my caramel suit.  Except for the fact that I might find myself immobilized once I sat down anywhere.  And come to think of it I am also sure that the occurrences of bird assaults on me would raise substantially.  Not to mention the fact that removal of my suit could only be done by the trained professionals who work at Cold Stone.  Experience tells me that removing caramel from my armpits is much much much more difficult than the application of it.   A compromise is probably in order...how about I settle for a big old west caramel mustache?  That way every sip of coffee I take would be infused with some hair lipped yumminess that only a candy-stache can bring.
 
I imagine that whomever is left reading this entry at this point would probably enjoy a different subject matter....one that hopefully does not lower the IQ of the reader.

Lets see here....

Our family has been experiencing a lot of flat tires lately.  Three is the past six weeks to be exact.  That is way to many for a guy with my mechanical aptitude.  I have as much chance being able to change a tire as I would at performing brain surgery.  If someone told me that the only way to change a flat tire would be to apply magical monkey nose grease to the affected tire I would ask where to buy it.  The only practical experience I have in changing a blown wheel was watching Ralphie try and help his dad in "A Christmas Story".  I understand that there are some lug nuts and stuff involved but that is about where my knowledge ends.  Some of my more connected to the universe friends have told me that these flat tires are a message from above that I am being told I need to learn how to change a flat tire.   I reject that idea.  It is not my responsibility to change a tire.  It is the tire's responsibility to not become flat.  That is the stupid things only job.  I already have too much on my plate.  Why should I have to worry about fixing something that should be working on it's own.  For me learning how to change a tire would be like me getting a pilots license before flying on a commercial aircraft again.  Yes, in a rare circumstance I may be called upon to rush into the cockpit to land the airliner...but most likely I will just spend my tire in the air trying to find clouds that look like my old piano teacher.  If I find another flat tire in the next few days I am going to become Amish and buy a horse and carriage.  Well...I am not much of a horse person.  I will probably just get some sort of automated horse or just buy a rickshaw and make my children drag me around.  Just think I could sit back as my boys pull me to Baskin Robbins so I can get my caramel-stache touched up.  

So what have we learned about my entry today?

If your answer was pray for my wife and children then you are correct.  Please send your address and I will send you a copy of my newest book  "The Short Man's Guide To Living Like James Bond".

I will leave you now as I need to be focusing my writing on doing some sketches for Ozymandian Theater's upcoming comedy show in May.  As you can tell I am in a pretty strange and undisciplined mood.  That perhaps is a signal that those who come to the show in a couple months may have a weird evening on their hands.....