Starting to feel a little older every day.

The signs are all there that my age is a little further advanced then I previously had thought.

More gray hair.

Takes a little more time to wake up in the morn.

I watch the weather channel.

Going out on a Friday night makes me tired just thinking about it.

The music I listen to is a little softer.

The TV volume is a little louder.

I check my blood pressure.

I eat a veggie with every meal. 

Watching MTV can send me into a seizure.

I am working on a "living will"

I end most of my conversations with "I should eat more fiber" or "Did you ever notice how attractive Angela Landsbury is?"

I am unable to use most of the functions on my cell phone because it is too complicated.

I worry more.

I need naps.

I like going to stores that are having sales.

I shave most days.

My hands look like my dad's used to when I was a kid.  They look kind of used...

I sometimes catch myself watching Larry King.

My children have to follow rules simply because "I said so"

I think about how quickly the last 15 years have gone.  When that period of time repeats I will be 50.  Yikes.  I think about being 50!

I have a bucket list.

I own tools.

I can listen happily to piano instrumentals.

I think teenagers drive too crazy.




Before you say anything I will concede that a lot of these things do not indicate advanced age for MOST people.  Most 23 year old professional men probably shave, and there are plenty of young people wh own tools.  For me a lot of the items on the list signify a shift in my lifestyle.  While I am certain I am yet to "grow up", I am as it seems...growing older. 

Which is not a bad thing.  It just is what it is.

The number way I can tell I am getting older is that I have been seeing more and more people I know showing up in the obituaries.  People a few years older than me that I remember looking up to when I was in school, and people my age are appearing on the third page of the paper.  I feel older because a few of the  people I grew up with are dying of natural causes.  That is scary to type.

Don't like that much.

Just the other day I saw the name in the obits of a young woman I played soccer with for years growing up.  She was a person who was so full of life and easily the most optimistic soul I have ever met.  While we were really close friends, our lives would always intersect every couple years and I would be reminded of how good of a person she was.   We kind of had that kindred spirit connection vibe going on.  I never saw her without a smile or good things to say about anything, anybody, or anything.  For a while I was certain that it was all an act and she secretly was as miserable as most teenagers I knew were.   A few years ago I reconnected with her for a moment, and it became clear that she was not acting.  She still had the gift of slapping anyone she met in the face with a 2 x 4 of hope and happiness.   

Her story here on Earth came to an end last week, and it gives me pause.  I am thinking how she would have felt seeing my name in the obits.  How it would have probably given her a moment of reflection on her own mortality.   How she would thought the same thing that I did..."am I old enough to start seeing people I grew up with to start to pass away?"

Then I hope she would have had the same reaction I did after thinking for a few moments:

I am still young enough to stop taking every moment for granted.  For whatever time I have left ( 2 days or 40 years) I need to remind myself that my existence demands my awe, gratitude, and awareness.  I have let too many days just melt into the next without giving proper recognition of the people, the grace, struggles, victories, fierce blowing Wyoming wind, and those small moments of feeling connected to something greater than myself.

The fact that my body, brain, and soul work is a miracle that I know I will never ever understand.   I may not grasp how any of it continues to function...but I can honor it by recognizing that my life (and everyone else's) is a miracle that needs to be nurtured.
 
If I simply stop taking life for granted then the implications are pretty amazing. 


I won't let relationships sour and fade

I won't ever allow myself to feel "bored" or "discontent"

I won't let a moment like one of my Children losing a tooth go without it becoming a major celebration

I will cease complaining on what I don't have.

I will treat my time with friends and family as sacred

I will allow myself to enjoy the very moment I am in

I can stop stressing about my life five/ten/twenty years from now

I  can be me without worry of what other people think

I won't allow the voice of self pity record my life's soundtrack with their songs of "Why me?"  "If only"  "Life sucks"  or "Give up".

Even though every day I grow older, I will be able to keep my soul young.  To look things with fresh eyes instead of tired one.


If I just allow myself to be appreciative and grateful of the time I have left , I can someday enter the obits someday like I am sure my old childhood friend did.....

With a smile.

Korean, the world misses your smile!  May God bless you and your family. 
You were my great example of "love the moment"
Thank you.

I am physically older than I was before I wrote this.
Now that I am finished however...
I feel younger.