Today Cheyenne is being battered with such an angry wind.  I have experienced many windy days in my time as a Wyomingite, but there is something apocalyptical about this blowing.  With each cold gust of invisible rage I can feel the razor breeze cast judgment on my bones.  While driving I could feel the wind sweeping all around my little pickup attempting to toss me into the air like that stinkin' feather in the movie "Forest Gump". 

This wind is without mercy.  I have seen the elderly clinging to walls for protection, and young children carried away into the upper atmosphere.  This is a day that reminds the residents of Cheyenne that if the wind so desired it has the power to tear the clothes from your body and send your britches to Kansas.  There is nothing worse than this kind of weather....well almost nothing...here is a list of things I dislike more than even this demonic wind:


THE MOVIE "HARDBALL" STARING KEANU REEVES - Mr. Reeves sometimes gets a bad rap for his acting.  Not every role he has taken on has been terrible.  Hardball, however is a true blight in the eyes of the world.  I sat through it the other day as if I was thrown into a trance that came from lazy film making.  Keanu looked, acted, and performed as if he really did not care in what he was doing.  I am sure he cringes when he thinks about this film...I know I will...


ANY BUG THAT CAN BITE, STING, ATTACK, OR LODGE ITSELF IN MY EAR - If you have been reading my blog for a while you know that I have as much appreciation for nature as McDonald's does for the culinary arts.  I have been hearing a lot of how our entire way of life would be thrown into chaos if we were to lose the species of the Honey Bee.  Hmmm...I don't know...it might be worth a try to find out how bad it could get.  You see every time I see a nasty little buggy I scream in such a manner that my children as left to look for a manly influence from somewhere else.  In fact the other day when my five year old saw me jump out of my chair as a fly buzzed my ear he remarked "You should be as brave as Fred from Scooby Doo".   He had a point...but still...I am probably going to wear "protective" underwear this summer as the buggies comeback to life. 


PEOPLE WHO MAKE IT A POINT TO TALK DURING A MOVIE - This is something that has been happening to me with more frequency lately.  I go to quite a few movies and it seems that no matter where I sit I am always behind/next to/ in front of a couple of jokers who cannot get their gobs closed.  I can understand how "home room" sucks...but perhaps you could have this conversation after the film!  I am sure that the girl you met while playing pool at your cousin "Scooter's" house was flat out "trippin hot" but hmmm...I don't know maybe a better time to discuss the matter is OUTSIDE THE THEATER!!  I mean come on...we all paid some crazy amount of money to be in here, eat day old popcorn and drink pop...WE DID NOT PAY IT TO LISTEN TO YOU TALK ABOUT HOW YOUR SISTER KEEPS STEALING YOUR MAKEUP!!!!!!! 


PRESCRIPTION DRUG COMMERCIALS - These tend to freak me out a bit.  Only because I know someday I will more than likely be on about 406 different RX's.  This is kind of like foreshadowing for me...and I don't like it.  Plus the litany of side effects seem to be worse than the conditition the meds are treating.  I promise you that if I have to take a pill that may or may not cause moments of leg twitching, leakage that comes from sensitive areas on the USS Roedel, or suicidal thoughts I will probably not be swallowing the capsule.  I swear that the other night I heard one of the meds they were peddling causes "Monkey Sweats".  What in the heck are Monkey Sweats? And what do I take for those?

CLOWNS - Um...anything you "have" to paint a smile on is probably evil.  I am ancient kinds of evil...not your run of the mill Cheney kind of evil either.  PAINTED FACE=BLACK HEART.

GROCERY CARTS AT ALBERTSONS - More often than not only two out of the four wheels work properly.  Just the other day I could not make a left turn with my cart....I had to back up and do grocery cart cookies in order to make it into the spice aisle. 

RUNNERS UP:

Beans.
The music of Duran Duran.
Children's Books that feature snakes as the good guys.
The phrase "Oh Snap'..unless used in reference to Rice Krispies.
The tuba.
The effects cotton candy has on my children.
Tailgater's.
The thousands of times a day I hear the phrase "Your poor wife".
Grammar Nazi's.
That HBO is not as good as it used to be.
The cat that keeps sneaking into our house.
People who think yellow lights means "Time for me to act like I am running from Boss Hogg"
That I cannot eat whatever I want any more.
How it is less expensive to take my entire family to eat at Outback than it is to fill up car with gas.
That college football refuses to adapt a playoff system!  GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
I know too many people who have cancer.
Every job interview I have seems to end with someone saying "Well that was interesting"
Overcooked crab.
I cannot get the new theme song to Subway's new "$5 foot longs" out of my head. 
The music of Elton John.
I have not been able to prove the existence of the Chupa Cabra - The Mexican Goat Blood Sucker.
Monkey Sweats.


I am not sure if I feel better about the wind after writing about any of this.