As I was driving this morning in semi-depressing downtown Cheyenne, I drove past my families old drug store. To be honest, since the day we moved out (now almost a year ago..yikes) I am been kind of stalking it. Not in a creepy ex-boyfriend way…but in the ex-boyfriend who wants to make sure you have not moved on without him, or dating anyone else, and are as completely miserable as he is kind of way.

Ok…so maybe this is not the most mentally healthy thing for me to be doing…but alas I do it anyway.

When I was driving by the old prescription filling ranch I have seen that the new owner has been doing quite a bit of work on the outside of the building. It no longer looks like the place I grew up in as a child. A front part of the building has been removed, and there were large gaping holes in the north side of the large brick wall.

These big holes in the wall made my heart sink for a moment.

Why?

Not sure. Actually it is pretty much the opposite reaction to how I usually feel about walls that have been torn into.

For me I think there is nothing more exciting than a hole in a wall. My giddy switch gets flipped because the hole usually signifies some sort of creative change going on. The walls purpose is changing…maybe a window is being added…a door being created….or maybe the wall will no longer exist and two different rooms are going to unite in some sort of Feng Sui new-aged energy wedding.

A hole in the wall means that something new is happening. That the old ways are passing away and something new is being born in it’s place. The holes that were being smashed into the Berlin Wall by the youth of Germany is still one of favorite memories of all time…the wall that symbolized a nation divided was being brought down and a new age of freedom came to life.

The Berlin Wall was torn down by years of frustration.

Sometimes the most meaningful holes can come from moments of pure frustration. Those moments when you can no longer function in your given environment and you just want to slam your fist into the wall. I am not advocating this if you are:

A) A sissy like me.

In a jail cell.

C) Or if you are actually taking this literally.

I am talking about punching the “invisible wall” that maybe in front of you. Not being becoming comfortable with where you are at, and always be willing to recreate your life with a hole or two in the wall of your life.

I used to think that change for the sake of change was always a good thing. That things that remained the same would eventually become painfully boring, or eventually irrelevant. This approach goes for me as well. I hate routine in all ways possible. I don’t like doing the same thing every day…perhaps this is why my job search has been a little muddled on my end. I am afraid of being caught in a situation where I cannot put a hole in the wall every now and then.

Keep in mind however that I am the king of idiot valley. As I realized today, that although I may cry for constant creative change in my life, I am not really prepared for it to happen. Change can hurt. Change can hurt like a monkey bite. While some of those painful changes are necessary…some aren’t…but we still make holes anyway.

Sometimes we punch holes in relationships we have with friends or family.

Sometimes we punch holes in our own self image.

Sometimes we punch holes in our faith life.

Sometimes we punch holes in ______________

Perhaps not every wall needs a hole. Despite my constant need for change, new challenges, and variety I need to still have a place to hang my hat. That store wall is where I hung my hat for years…and now that the wall is coming down…there is nowhere for my hat to go.

I am all for walls coming down…but I have decided that they have to be the “right” ones.

I still need a wall to put my John Elway poster on…

This entry is a good example of why I think I am going to spend less time driving around downtown Cheyenne. That is a wall that certainly needs to come down.