I am a social nightmare.  I am to conversations what Mike "Heck of a job Brownie" Brown was to F.E.M.A.  I over think interactions, I am late to get jokes, and my non-verbals resemble a man who is walking the mile to the electric chair.  There is one thing that I especially do not like, it is the convo-dismount.  When you try to find a good break in the conversation to say "Hey, good seeing you!" or "I got to run, but lets do lunch soon". This gives parties a nice clean break and they can move on with their day.  Unfortunately that is never how mine look.  

Here is how my dismount looks like:

Person: How are the kids?

John:  Great, they really love school.

Person: That is awesome!  I wish my kids loved school.

John: How are you're children?

Person:  Well, not great actually.  The oldest has been having a chronic ear infection, and his younger sister has been having a real struggle with-

John: It was good seeing you.  Take care.

Person: Oh..um...bye.

Yikes.  That makes me a premature conversation ejector. 


I end conversations way too soon with people.  Not on purpose mind you, but sometimes I act like the press secretary for the White House who just is trying to survive.  This is just another thing Johnny is going to work on this year.


So sometimes  I end the convos to early, and sometimes I stay too long.  Have you ever bumped into a couple of people you only slightly know.  And then you were afraid to leave because you know immediately after you are gone they are going to "talk about you".  I realize that this is a pretty egotistical view.  I mean I am sure people have a lot of other things to talk about than me...like for example flaky skin is a more interesting topic.  But still, the fear remains.  That fear directs me to sometimes refuse the conversation break off.   Here is how I see the interaction going after I leave the conversation:

Person A: It was good seeing you John.  Bye.

Person: B: Yeah, take care dude.

John: Um, can you believe McDonald's is now serving Gourmet coffee?

Person A: What? Oh..yeah...that is weird.  Ok take care.

Person B: Have a cup for me dude.  See ya.

John:  I think snow can be very cold sometimes.

Person A: Yes...John...snow is cold.  Lets do lunch.  Bye.

Person B:  Lunch sounds good sometime dude, goodbye.

John:  Snow is also white.

Person A: Goodbye John

Person B: Dude.  I need to go.

LONG PAUSE

John:  I am thinking about changing the way I brush my teeth.

Person A: Please stop talking...

Person B: I want this to end dude.

John:  Puppies are something I like.

Person A: I hate you so much.  I want to kill you three times!

Person B:  Shut up!  Shut Up! Shut up!  Dude.

John: Ok..I should go.  See ya.

JOHN EXITS

Then my fear is realized.

Person A: What an idiot.

Person B: Absolutely dude.  Plus he looks like a unhealthier version of Costanza from Seinfeld.

Sigh.

I am certain that is is how it goes down most of the time. 

So, I am going to work on my convo-dismounts.  Not to early, not too late.  I will just figure out how-



Oh, see ya later.  Lets do lunch  sometime.