the road I will travel, the begining I cannot yet see
Take my time and I will be fine.
Take my time and I will be fine.
Take my time and I will be fine.
Person: Hey John!
John: Hey you. How are you?
Person: Great. I am soooo busy. What
about you?
John: Fine. Thanks.
Person: Soooo…what are you up to these days?
John: Nothing.
Person: Ha ha. Be serious, what are you doing with yourself?
John: Well..I spent the morning trying to find a book on haunted lighthouses at a couple bookstores.
Person: Um…no…I meant what are you doing for work now?
John: That is work! You would think there would be a bunch of them…
Person: You are…um….not employed yet?
John: Crap.
Person: Are you ok? I was just curious what you were up to?
John: (PRIMAL SCREAM)
I have this encounter 3009 times a day. I know this is my own damn fault. If I just would choose a future for me this pain would all end…and life would be easier. It seems as if I am choosing the hard path.
I am choosing to be nothing right now.
Wow…that sounds more depressing than a night of stand up comedy by Janet Reno.
Let me be clear. I am not willing to just start walking somewhere, til I know where I am going. I will be stubbornly patient about this.
A year ago my life was very very different. I was going to war each and every day with stress. These days I go to war with the crazy squirrels who charge me from the bushes as I take my near daily walk around the park. (They scare me…and they know it. The number of the bushy tailed bandits is growing daily…if I turn up missing the police need to look for me in the trees of
Yes…I work a little now. That is what I am expected to do. In many ways I feel frozen however. Other adults are moving with ambition, a real purpose. They have stuff going on. I don't. . I am like Han Solo frozen in a block of space ice. I am not becoming something…I am just standing on the strip of grass that lies between two interstates. I am watching the people fly by as they head to their destinations. I am not moving, and I am not sure if that is out of design, fear, or indecision. Other adults have important things happening. They are going somewhere, they are doing something, they are making something, and they are working on something. They are doing. I am just here playing the quiet ghost in the corner watching them live.
I am in my dark night of the soul. I am waiting for revelation.
Those with YES! Attitudes would tell me to quit waiting for life to come to me…I must make things happen for me…and quit whining. Let me be clear. I am not complaining…I am in a strange advent for my life. I am in a state of anticipation. Something is on the horizon. Something is coming. I just have to stand and wait a little more…and not be discouraged that everyone else is moving. I have to wait for my dark night to pass so I may bath myself in the light if a new dawn in my life.
The road I must travel will remain a mystery to me for now. Once I find it, be assured that I will stomp down it with loud boots!
I have reached that delicate line that separates a man taking a sabbatical and a man who is a bum. I just need to have faith that life will figure out what to do with me. I am willing to wait a bit longer…unless the squirrels get me.
Take my time and I will be fine.
Take my time and I will be fine.
Take my time and I will be fine.
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