Merry Christmas from the Roedel Family,


We hope this season of giving and joy has reached you all in good spirits.  This is truly the time of year where miracles seem as if they happen everyday.

Now how about a quick Roedel family update?


This past year has been another in a long line of horribly crushing disappointing years.  Every hope and dream that we had for 2007 was shot in the face by the ugly heartless monster we all call "life".  It has become apparent that we as a family have incurred the wrath of the Old Testament God who we all thought long replaced by a kinder hippie-like New Testament one.  Every possible wrath the Lord could dream up has befallen us, and we are still standing!  Take that God!  

Roedel's:  1
Angry God: 0

FACE!!

At no point in the year have we felt as if we were in control.  The children rule the house like an angry mob, and everyday the marriage between John and Jenni reflects the sham that we all knew it was in the beginning.  The house is haunted.  The land is toxic.  The trains which run near our backyard keep us up all night.  Every plant we bring into our house dies within four hours of its arrival.  We have serious electrical problems and our very surprised that we have not had a terrible fire.  Which might be ok, as that would finally put us all out of misery.  Otherwise, everything has been just fine here at the Roedel house, and we hope things are super at all of your homes.  If they are...don't ever tell us.  That will just cause us to hate you more than we probably already do.

Ok folks, how about some quick family member updates?

Jennifer:

Jenni has used her culinary training to open up a meth lab in the basement. Which has been nice as it keeps her busy and away from drinking the cooking sherry as much as she was while she was pregnant.   Speaking of pregnant, we are all celebrating her 18th consecutive month of not being preggers.  This is a personal record, and we are very proud of her.  Jenni also keeps active by silently hating immigrants, and figuring out ways to poison her husband with D-con.  What an amazing year for Jennifer!

John:

John continues to be an unemployed bum who has given up on life. John's hobbies this year have been disappointing others and gaining all kinds of unhealthy weight.  Everything he touches gets ruined.  From fish tanks, to 118 year old family businesses.  John sleeps most of the day, and baths only when the court system forces him to.  John was voted "most hated" in the household for the fifth consecutive year.  His goal for the upcoming year is surviving the massive heart attack that will strike him any day now.  If you see John on the street you should buy him a cup of soup.

Noah:

Wow!  Noah is already seven years old and is in first grade already.  Just like any 1st grader Noah find himself in all sorts’ trouble with the FBI.   After serving six months in an off shore facility as an "enemy combatant" Noah find himself trying to readjust to life outside the walls.  Noah did learn a lot while he was locked up!  Just last night he showed his father what a "shiv" is.  John is still recovering in ICU.  What a character that Noah is!

Riley:

Is the leader of the local Kindergarten gang called "Elmo this!"  You might have seen some of there artwork around town.  We are sure proud of Riley as he at age five has learned the meaning of "Stop Snitching".  He rules his group of tuffs with fear and unrelenting rage.  His heroes are John Gotti and Tanya Hardening.   Riley also helps the elderly in the neighborhood by offering them protection for a small monthly fee.  Kids these days!  Oh, and if you need to borrow money for him just ask. Just make sure you pay on time.....seriously.

Logan:

Is the cutest little 18 months old baby you will ever see!  Despite being cute he is also super ambitious for a tot this age.   Just two months ago we were notified by hell hound that he is in fact the anti-Christ...which came as no surprise to us!  This certainly takes all the pressure off of him finding work later in life!  He spends his days by reading ancient texts and levitating under a red evil cloud.

Molly (our sweet Basset Hound):

Is dead.

So there you have it, another amazing year for the Roedel house.  We hope that you all have a very Merry Christmas!

P.S. - AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR