No Thank You’s
Category: Life

A few days behind....but here is my list for this year of things I have absolutly no gratitude for.  Hey, I love being thankful for all the good things in my life...but there are a few things that I say "no thank you" without a smidge of guilt.

I AM NOT THANKFULL FOR:

- The fact that slowly the few radio stations in Cheyenne are being mutated into country.  We already have one country station per every registered voter here..why do we need more???!!!  Really....I only have one station I can listen to now without getting a hankerin' for putting in a big chaw and wrestlinga calf; and that station is broadcast in spanish. Juan, no habla espanol! Yo tango taco supreme!

- Yams of any kind. 

- The whole red state/blue state thing.  It was fine in 2004 with all of the colorful looking political maps, but really can't we come up with a new storyline for the upcoming election.  I don't know...like..I will just spitball here...but how about we talk about how OJ Simpsons approval rating is a bit higher than our congress or exeuctive branch?

-Gas prices of any kind.

- The stinkin good for nothing Denver Broncos who blow a 14 point lead to a Chicago Bears team that looked like it could not beat a team comprised of an all star Care Bear squad.  Do the Broncos know that the fate of my mood rests in their hands??? 

-VH1 reality shows of any kind.

- The fact that I sat through the movie "The Mist".  It was a very well made horror movie, but it left me as empty and hopeless as any movie has in recent memory.  A dark film, that my holiday spirits could have done without seeing. 

- 6 a.m's of any kind.

- My new fancy blackberry cell phone.  I should not have gotten it, as I cannot for the life of me understand how to operate it.  I keep accidently calling people, dropping calls, and I have no idea how to synch my computer with it yet.  Um...no I have not read the instruction book...which reminds me...

- Instruction booklets of any kind.

- The notion that I can no longer eat whatever the heck I want.  These days having just one soda will transform me from a 5'3 superhero to a 5'3 guy who holds his stomach a lot and moans.  Goodbye sweet cola....

- Over-reactions of any kind.

- That sometimes when I see a parent being really nasty with their child I think "jeez..calm down".  But when I go home I do the same thing.

- Movies with talking animals/babies of any kind.

- People who treat other people like a commodity to be traded.  Yes, I understand that the secret to a having a great life can come down to who you know.  Really though some people do not have to be so obvious about it.  Name droppers are not allowed in my clubhouse.

-Clowns of any kind.

- The Mcrib.  The next time I get a urge to try one of those I should just go lick a lead based toy produced in China.  I would have as much chance at survival.

- The hundreds of days I let slip by every year without giving any thought to the miracle that surrounds us.  I give no mind to idea that my body is a brillantly made machine. (though I treat it like I bought it at a garage sale) My heart keeps beating, my organs keep working, my lungs keep the air moving, and my brains keepings trying to overcome my frequent user-error.  I s'pose I am not thankful for being not thankful....weird.

-Shaven Poodles of any kind.

-That my new xbox game Rock Band (which lets four people either play guitar, drums, base guitar or lead sing...um..yes like I said before I am super geek) scored my vocal rendition of "Wanted Dead or Alive" as weak.  I should have at least scored a rating of  "below average".

-Cancers of any kind.

-For the thousands of past mistakes I have made and then never made ammends with.  I have a bunch of wrongs to right, but have not even begun the journey...

-Televised Lumberjack competitions of any kind.

-Parents who bring their children to R movies.  I am not just talking an R movie that has a few cuss words in it...I am talking like Beowulf R movies that have moments that would scar a young mind for years.  There is no reason anyone should take their four year old to Rob Zombies "Halloween"!  Granted I did take my son to "Bee Movie" which was scary...but it was scary in a different way.  It was soooo bad it was scary.

-Interviews with Barry Bonds of any kind.

-For the dozens of cable news stories I have watched in the last year of how terrorists might kill me.  As a parent of a child still in diapers I have my own definition of "dirty bomb".  At what point are Sheppard Smith and Anderson Cooper just giving a few angry men with uranium ideas?

-"BREAKING NEWS" of any kind.

-For sneezes that never ever come. I look like an idiot without the extra help thank you.  I do not need to be lurching back and forth with my hand over my mouth waiting on the itchy sneeze that refuses to come forth.  Sneeze or No Sneeze...there is no try!

-Recorded phone calls of any kind.

-The constant urge I have to own any piece of new technology.  I have no real clue what "Blue Ray" Disc players are..but Johnny has to have one.  Plus I need a Playstation 3, a Wii, a Zune, a GPS system that tells me how to get to a Barnes and Noble, oh..and an IPHONE, even though Wyoming is not in the network yet.

-Blogs that end abruptly.